I don’t know what took me so long to figure out hiking is a perfect hobby for me. It combines a lot of what I already love; walking, nature, beautiful views and a sense of accomplishment when you reach a peak or trail end. What came as a shock is how it also helped my marriage.
My husband Joe and I have been together since I was 19 years old and he 25. While I have always loved him, our relationship wasn't always easy. We were drastically different in every possible way. I know they say opposites attract and obviously that is true, but what they don’t tell you is that it also makes everything a compromise and someone is usually unfulfilled or resentful. We certainly perfected the art of “I’ll do this if you do that”, which wound up making us happy only half the time.
I’ve always been independent and so it was just easier to do some things without him and for the most part I didn’t mind...until I did. It got to a point where I was doing everything either on my own or with someone else, a friend or family member. I had tons of new experiences but wasn’t sharing any of it with the person I was supposed to be. Our interests just weren’t interesting to each other. Even our vacations were compromises. His half of the trip would include breweries (I hate beer) and a sporting event (insert eye roll) and mine would include the local zoo or museum. We would come home only partially relaxed and satisfied.
Then in 2016 all the stars aligned. We decided to try a different kind of vacation, a miracle in itself. My mom had been to Bar Harbor, Maine the previous year and had gushed about how much she thought I’d love it there. A quaint harbor town (I love waterfronts), cozy restaurants (I love cozy things and food), beautiful views of both land and sea (who doesn’t love that?!). Joe was even onboard despite there not being a stadium anywhere in site! So we booked it not quite knowing what to expect.
We flew into Bangor, about an hour’s drive from Bar Harbor. We stalked; I mean stopped, at Steven King’s house for a few pics and saw him jogging along his street. I may or may not have taken a signed copy of Misery that was in the little free library box a few houses down. So what if it was inscribed “to Josh”?
We drove into town mid afternoon and I fell in love immediately. On one side a rocky coastline, the sun bouncing off the Atlantic; on the other, Acadia National Park with its forest in shades of fire rustling in the October breeze.
The next day was our first adventure in a national park. I’m sure we looked completely amateur , Joe in his jeans had to be a dead giveaway. We took our time driving the scenic road through the park until we came to a marker that denoted the trailhead carefully detailed in my itinerary (I am a bit of an anal traveler). We started into the woods and up the path following the blazes (path markers for you other novices).
Shortly after we started hiking we noticed the blazes seemed to go vertically up a rock face. Seeing too many movies I uncharacteristically suggested we turn back as I didn’t want to get lost in the woods and eaten by a bear. Joe however, uncharacteristically suggested we keep going. And I am so thankful I let him lead for once. We tucked our toes and fingers into cracks and rock formations and hoisted ourselves up, and up and up. Until I was convinced we had gone the wrong way when another couple headed down assured us we were on the right track and close to the summit. We scrambled over some more rocks and jagged terrain and our reward was a panoramic view of rolling hills, a river cutting through the middle to meet the ocean beyond. We had reached our first summit! We were exhilarated, proud and completely hooked. We had found something we both enjoyed that we could share together. Something I had never experienced with anyone else, it was ours alone.
Since that trip we have added Rocky Mountain, Zion, Bryce Canyon, Shenandoah and Grand Canyon National Parks to our list. Our next trip is to Banff in Alberta, Canada in July and we can’t wait. We’ve learned some things along the way, proper attire for one, continue to challenge ourselves and have never been disappointed in trying out a new trail. We have reconnected and enhanced our relationship in many ways as a result. There were numerous things about that trip that made it special but I will always hold Bar Harbor close to my heart and be forever grateful for what it gave us...each other.
Hiking, it turns out, is a great metaphor for marriage. There are ups and downs, challenges and rewards; sometimes the trail is smooth, sometimes it’s rocky. But it is all worth it for the view.
