I am about to reveal something that some of you may find shocking, reader discretion is advised. I am a 30-something woman without kids…by choice! (Cue DUN-DUN-DUUUUUN sound effect) Crazy right? Furthermore, I have no profound reason. Not that I should have to give one but you may be surprised to hear how often I have to do just that. To defend my choice or hear unsolicited comments and opinions such as “but you’ll never know true love unless you have children” or “then why did you get married?” or “I was like you, you will change your mind”…all of which have happened by the way. It is truly unsettling the amount of people that feel it is perfectly acceptable to not only ask such a personal question but to chime in with their judgement. I do not go around asking parents why they have children!
Look, I get it; it is a woman’s right and the miracle of life, yada yada yada. I choose to exercise another right; not giving birth to a human. And there are positives and negatives to that decision, just like any other. For instance, I can travel; take naps and curse like a sailor without fearing that “little pitchers have big ears” but I will never get to surprise my kid(s) with a trip to Disneyworld. I can eat cookies for dinner without setting a bad example but won’t recreate some of my favorite memories growing up with my own family and will probably have to rely on my niece to take care of me when I’m old. Sorry, Alexa.
Honestly, I have always known I wouldn’t have kids. I never played house or had a baby doll, except for the one you could feed and that was just because I loved pretend food. I never thought twice about the possibility of becoming a mother, despite being a fantastic babysitter! I don’t hate kids. Although some parents are a different story…please refrain from allowing your kids to bang their silverware on the plate whilst in a restaurant! And it’s not some weird jealousy thing where I don’t want to give up attention. I simply just don’t have the urge. Plus, the horrific descriptions of the act of giving birth are enough to solidify my resolution. I don’t care how beautiful it is, I would not like to pass a watermelon thank you very much.
Also, we are not in the 50’s anymore! The stigma that women should bare children and be a homemaker is so foreign to me. In fact, when my husband and I first started getting serious I was completely upfront about not being interested in having children. He could not believe there was an option; he had assumed it is just something you did. So I guess I am something of a trailblazer.
However, a part of me feels guilty for not having babies. I think it stems from the fact that I know there are many women out there who struggle to conceive or are unable to have children for one reason or another while I most likely could carry without issue but choose not to. But having children for the sake of having children is also not advised.
The main side effect of being DINKS (dual income, no kids) is that we have a hard time relating to most of our friends that have families. As expected, the majority of their lives revolve around being parents. And while they try to be as inclusive as possible, we don’t have baby pictures of Sally to share or proud moments of little Timmy pooping on the potty. Everyone just gets all weird when I talk about my bathroom accomplishments. But I do truly admire parents, both working and stay-at-home. I don’t know how you do it; I can barely get my one load of laundry done during the week. You are a marvel and I tip my hat to you!
Now here is the public service announcement; DO NOT ASK! This should be common sense but it is none of your business and you never know someone’s situation. I don’t know why everyone cares anyway, I would personally much rather talk about your dog. What I am saying is live and let live. You don't have to accept the fact that I am a responsible adult perfectly capable of providing for and taking care of a child but choose not to, but please respect it. If you want to be like the Duggar’s and birth a bus full of people, be my guest. But please just keep it to yourself and let me eat my magic marshmallow cereal in peace.
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